so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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