you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
