I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
