I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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