Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
