i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
