Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
