She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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