garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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