if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
