apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
