Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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