I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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