She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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