i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
