good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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