Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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