First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
