I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
