still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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