All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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