I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
