If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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