I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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