I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Me too!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
