i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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