dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
