we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
