I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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