Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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