i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
