he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
