SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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