you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
