Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
