I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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