Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
