Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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