the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
