We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's like iHOP with fire
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
