whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
