after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's the barista slut.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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