I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
