I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
