I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize