Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
