You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize