dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love you. Go after that dick
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
