I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
