nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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