all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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