are you still at the devil's house?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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