I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
