I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
