Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
