Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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