so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
