I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
