it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
