If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize