she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just had sex on a roof
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
