just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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