Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
