Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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