It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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