do herpes really smell.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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