so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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