Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
