she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
