toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When are your genitals available?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
