have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
