Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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