Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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