i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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