we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
