Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
