My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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