Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
