We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
