i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
