i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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