I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
